10 Tips on Co-parenting from Co-parented Adults

by Sydney Swonigan, Co-parent Certified Coach

Over the years, I have spoken to countless adults who were raised by divorced parents as children. I ask them what they wish their parents did differently and where their parents excelled in co-parenting.

Here’s what I gathered from what they shared:

1. Prioritize open, honest, and regular communication.

When parents can communicate effectively with minimal tension, it creates a sense of stability and security for their children. Make sure to talk to each other routinely about your parenting decisions and concerns, but also recognize each co-parent’s contributions and celebrate your child’s wins together.

2. Respect each other's parenting styles.

It’s more than ok to have different parenting styles. In fact, it can prepare children for the diverse world we live in. Assuming that safety is not at risk, don’t try to control the other parent’s style of parenting. Trying to undermine or override each other's authority will only create confusion and conflict for your children. Even happily married parents have different preferences when it comes to raising children, and again, that’s ok and arguably great.

3. Put your children's needs first. (this one is hard for many folks)

Remembering that your children's needs should always come first seems obvious, but it’s difficult for many co-parents to put into practice. It’s tough, but you have to be self-aware to separate out your own feelings of hurt or fear from what is actually helpful for your children. Make decisions that are in their best interests, even if it means compromising on your own preferences.

4. Avoid talking negatively about your co-parent in front of your children.

Children are incredibly perceptive, and they can easily pick up on negative vibes between their parents. Avoid making disparaging remarks about your co-parent and their parenting style in front of your children, as this can damage their own self-esteem and make them feel caught in the middle of a conflict. As Andrea, a co-parent in episode 6, expressed how putting the other co-parent down may feel good for one second, but it hurts your child in the long run and it’s not worth it.

5. Establish clear boundaries and expectations.

Having clear boundaries and expectations for both parents and children minimizes stress and aids in harmony. Discuss and agree on rules and consequences for behavior, and where possible, ensure that both parents enforce them consistently. But remember that it's ok for parents to agree to disagree from time to time.

6. Be flexible and willing to compromise.

Co-parenting requires flexibility and a willingness to compromise. Things won't always go according to your plan, and you'll need to be adaptable to changes and unforeseen circumstances.

7. Seek professional help if needed.

If you find yourself struggling to co-parent effectively, seek professional support. A co-parent coach will provide you with guidance and support as you navigate the challenges of co-parenting. A therapist can be helpful for barriers deep-rooted in trauma or psychological disorders.

8. Remember that you're on the same team.

Despite your differences, you and your co-parent are on the same team when it comes to raising your children. As I often say, “you don’t have to like everyone on your team, but you can still work together towards a common goal: a happy, whole adult.” `Keep that in mind and work together to create a positive and supportive environment for your kids and yourselves.

9. Celebrate your successes.

Take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your successes as co-parents. This will help you stay positive and motivated as you work together to raise your children.

10. Give yourself and each other grace.

Co-parenting is challenging. Heck, parenting in general is challenging. Give yourselves grace. We are all learning and unlearning, so don’t be too hard on yourself or your co-parent. A lot of good and still come out of imperfection.

Learn more from adults who were co-parented in our podcast episode 2 and episode 11.

If you and your co-parent partner need additional support, schedule a free introductory call to explore co-parent coaching.